Wild Monkey Mind

What to change?

2006-06-19T02:59:53Z

Lately, I've been feeling that my life has grown stagnant. I've been at the same job for 6-7 years, been in the same apt for 8 1/2 years and with the same man for over 8 years. Some would call that stable, and commendable. Others would call that deadly boring. Drama, upheaval and constant change make us feel alive. Yet, it's all external, and takes energy away from our ability to change within, to make spiritual progress. But, then again, our suffering is what compels us to grow. Am I suffering enough?

The temptation to do something dramatic just to shake things up is great. The easiest place to change would be the relationship. But why? He's a good man, just a bit stuck in his ways. The same could be said about me (except for the "man" part). But, he's not to blame for the stagnation. He's just an excuse. And then what? Be alone for the rest of my life? Or have a string of fun, yet meaningless casual encounters?

OK, time to watch The Simpsons.

Shit shit shit

2006-02-13T23:16:06Z

This really sucks. I'm hoping this shitstorm passes without a lot of publicity. Shit shit shit.

I should probably leave work soon because once the word gets out, my phone is going to start ringing off the hook. And I'll have to lie and pretend I don't know what is going on. I don't lie well.

Damn, this is not good.

The vacation, so far

2006-01-31T19:31:58Z

Having just checked my "to do" list for this week, it appears I'm a bit behind on my goals. What else is new? But, I can cross off:

Take one or more porch kittens to get fixed
Write to Ian
CLEAN (1 out the six CLEANs on the list)
And while this wasn't on the published list, I finally signed up for new phone wireless service

You would think that that last item wouldn't be such a big deal. But, it's scary out there in the wireless world. I did my research to find out if I could find out the BEST wireless company. Everywhere you turn for advice on that, you'll find horror stories and songs of praise. No one carrier seemed to have consistently good reviews. I've been with Sprint for 5 1/2 years, and had the same phone all that time. Who me? Afraid of change? Anyway, so I shop around, find some good deals, and then call Sprint and ask them what kind of offer can they make me their long time reliable customer. The best they could do was offer me $150 off any phone, which if you're shopping in the sprint store will get you the bottom of the line phone. No thanks. Besides, the customer service guy was completely clueless.

So, I opted for Cingular and it comes with a cute little Nokia 6012 camera phone. And the guy at Let's Talk.com was super helpful and friendly. And I was greatly relieved to know that if I don't like the service or the phone, I can cancel within 30 days without a penalty. Change isn't that scary, after all, I guess.

I trapped one of the porch kittens today. I was hoping to get the female, but the big male trundled into the trap and was whisked off to the SPCA. While the big guy was thrashing about in the trap, the other two dashed away and haven't been seen since. Once I pick him back up, I think I'll keep him inside tonight, so he can't do something stupid while in his drugged haze. I hope the other two come back. I really, really want to get the little female before she gets knocked up.

Why are my blue states red?

2006-01-28T18:04:47Z

Hmmm. Oddly enough, the places I've visted closely correspond to what would be called "the blue states." Gee, what does that tell you about me?

create your own visited states map

Paris at night

2006-01-28T17:09:34Z

360 degree view of Paris at night

Big sigh of relief

2006-01-28T07:40:05Z

I still don't have the hang of this blogging thing. To me to keep a journal is to write down one's most private thoughts. So, the idea of keeping a public journal feels just plain wrong. When I sit down to do an entry, the mind goes blank, and the self-consciousness destroys any spontaneous expression. I'll just keep working at it. It will get easier.

I'm vastly relieved that next week I have PTO. I managed to catch up on about 2 weeks of work in the course of five hours, primarily thanks to that VonDutch energy drink I bought at lunch. God knows what was in that thing, but it seemed to work. Sorted my iTunes library by alphabetically by song title, and got into the zone. In fact, I'm still quite awake. I need to grab a Tylenol PM.

Things I pledge to do this week:

Meditate every morning - no excuses
Install Dreamweaver and learn how to do the site updates
CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN
Try to sell a bunch of shit on EBay
Take one or more porch kittens in to get fixed
Swallow pride and call a credit counseling bureau
Clean out car - find credit card
CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN
Call Jerry
Write to Ian
Send "holiday cards" to Vickie and Victoria
Buy good walking shoes

Let's see how much actually gets done.

Time for the Tylenol PM.

Another day, another $225

2006-01-24T07:00:28Z

Next time I start complaining about how I hate my job, someone point me in the direction of the closest guy or gal who is busting his or her ass for $6.25 an hour, and tell me to shut the f*ck up. I have no idea what I did today. I surfed the web a bit, talked to Debbie for a while and maybe did a total of an hour or two of work, while getting paid for eight, plus good benefits. But, "I don't feel fulfiiiiiilllllleeeedddd" I whine. Oh shut the f*ck up, you selfish twit.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

2006-01-22T22:53:42Z

It's a lazy Sunday afternoon. The bf is watching football and I'm left to my own devices. Why not start a blog? Sure, I don't have all that much to say, but neither do 8/10s of the bloggers out there. Lately, I've been missing having a creative outlet. Because of all my dharma activities and the hours at work, I haven't had time to pursue any creative classes or groups. It's been frustrating. Maybe this will kick start something.